If you want romance, connection and closeness on this most romantic of days, listen up! Valentine's Day is the most important date day of the year. And that's not just Hallmark speaking. Your sweetie believes it, too. You want to score points and stay out of the penalty box. So play hard and fair, and stay away from the 5 big mistakes. They include 1) not planning until the last minute, 2) choosing a gift that sends the wrong message, 3) buying the wrong clothing size, and 4) blowing the chance for true intimacy.

Ready? Here we go:

1. Forgetting this special date day altogether.
Have you been living in a barrel? Are you oblivious to all the hearts and red posters in store windows? Ohhh, forgetting this romantic day is gonna cost you. But that's another topic.

2. Not planning until the last minute.
You can get restaurant reservations, but only at Taco Bell. The flower shop has been picked over. Valentine's cards look shoddy and bent. Take heart. All is not lost because you're cooking, buying artificial flower arrangements, and making cards. Then you have to pretend that you planned it all along. (I lied about the fake flowers. Don't buy those unless she loves 'em and you don't mind living with them.)

3. Choosing a gift that sends the wrong message.
Giving her Tigress perfume and Victoria's Secret lingerie sends a message that you want her to be sexy or sexier. Or worse, that she's not sexy, period. If she's a soap-and-socks kind of gal, you're off base. But new socks and jammies in her favorite color might be a cherished Valentine's Day gift idea, showing that you're paying attention to her uniqueness.

On the other hand, if she likes perfume, there are inexpensive "message" brands that could make your point--for example, Goddess and Sensational. Perfume counters often have tester bottles. Buy the fragrance you like, spritz a piece of paper with the tester, and wrap them up together. If she sniffs the paper and doesn't like it, she doesn't have to open the package, and it's returnable. Then go shopping together for another scent. You've made your point, and she can get what she likes and educate you, too.

4. Buying clothing that's too big.
If you want to break up, get her a tarp from Omar the Tent Maker. If you're unsure about her size, go small. If you can afford it, buy 2 or 3 sizes of the same item. Gift wrap the smallest size, and stash the others in the closet.

5. Having ordinary conversation on an extraordinary day
A special day deserves special conversation starters. Make this romantic date all about getting to know her better. I promise you, no matter how long you've been together, there's unexplored territory. You can find hundreds of conversation questions in my e-book Do You Squeeze the Toothpaste in the Middle? Playful Questions for Dates & Mates. Here is a good conversation starter you can play with:

Modesty aside, what are you good at? It could be anything--from changing light bulbs in high places to making margaritas from scratch to tying knots. Name at least 3 things you’re good at. And then I'll tell you 3 more.

Keep going, taking turns back and forth. Here's a hint: think about what she's good at in advance so you have a bucketful of praise to share. When she runs out of ideas, keep adding to the list. This free Valentine's Day gift idea could be the highlight of her date with you!

And now I'd like to invite you to download a free copy of "15 Fun, Free, and Original Ice Breakers & Conversation Questions for Parties, Dates, and Hanging Out With Friends." Go to http://www.queenofconversation.com/15-Sure-Fire-Conversation-Starters.html

©Tracey E. Bennett, The Queen of Conversation

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